A mountain family from the hills was visiting the big city and they were
in a mall for the first time in their lives.
The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They
were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by t...
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Instructions on how to cleanyour toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/2 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, pu...
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Ole and Sven were drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in
Minneapolis. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Ole said, "I vish ve had somethin ta drink!" Sven says, "Me too. Y...
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The relatives were sitting in the hospital waiting room while their loved one was in the emergency room. The doctor comes to meet with the relatives stating, "I have bad news. It will take a brain transplant. Insurance will pay for the operation b...
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What do husbands do at Walmart?
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that he go with her to
Walmart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get
out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to her from...
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Two Eagles, an old Indian chief, sat in his hut on the reservation
smoking a ceremonial pipe and eying two US government officials sent
to interview him.
One US official said to Chief Two Eagles, "You have observed the white
man for 90 years. Yo...
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Life in the Ozarks
An Ozark mountain farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12, opened the door.
"Is yer pa home?" he asked.
"No...
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You can click on the first one and just keep clicking the upper right hand corner from there. Where it says LAST|NEXT just click NEXT.
[http://www.gunandgame.com/forums/members/capt-n-mil-coll-albums-funnies-picture787-j1.html]>
[http://w...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it
out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
make. I foun...
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There was a rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby so he
went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the rabbi's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get ...
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After reading how people are keeping records of who they privately sell guns to thus making themselves liable for persecution I have to post this in honor of them.
In Honor of Stupid People . . .
In case you needed further proof that the h...
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Walk the Walk and Talk the Talk
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red...
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I really didnt know where to post this. But I guess this is a huge problem in Euorpe.
From Sunday Metro.co UK
'My door stop is WWI shell'
Monday, July 2, 2007
A weight used to prop open a front door for more than 20 years was a German World War I ...
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Two nuts were walking down the street.
One was a salted....
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Subject: : Did you or did I send this?
Fw: Did you or did I send this?
Remember?
I don't remember if I sent this one out.
I don't think I did . . or did you send it to me?
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded . .
God grant me the senilit...
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Test your Minnesota knowledge (How did you do? ) For those of you
from Minnesota, this ought to be easy! Good luck to the rest of you!
So you'd like to be a millionaire? You betcha!
----------------
1) $100 How many Super Bowls have the Vikings w...
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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I
can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."
The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head...
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....."Are these bullets for a rifle or a pistol?"
"sub machinegun" is the proper answer, then watch the dull glaze fall over the cashier's face....
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With all the dumb blonde, etc. jokes floating around out there I thought it was time for the fairer sex to have our say in a humorous sort of way.
Hope these make you all smile.
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet...
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Two beggars, lets just call them Manuel & Pedro spend all day begging outside one of the malls in Houston and every day Manuel comes home to his big mansion house with a suitcase full of $10 bills, whereas Pedro comes home to his trailer with hardly e...
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NEW ENLISTMENT OATHS
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am af...
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In a small Southern town there was a 'Nativity Scene' that showed
great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One
small feature bothered me. The three wise men were
wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up
with a reason or explanati...
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OK Guys, This one's for you!
Beer Contains Female Hormones
Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a
recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at ...
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Yes, it's good to be a man......
1. Your *** is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled...
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A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband a...
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